How to Write Your Own Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide (With Examples)

What Does It Mean to Write Your Own Obituary?

Writing your own obituary means composing — while you are alive and clear-headed — the short biographical notice that will announce your death, summarize your life, and inform people about any services. Instead of leaving a grieving spouse or child to assemble dates, names, and accomplishments under deadline pressure, you provide a finished or near-finished draft they can simply update with the date and cause of death. It is one of the most practical and surprisingly meaningful documents you can prepare in advance.

The idea is not morbid; it is increasingly mainstream. AARP, the largest advocacy organization for older Americans, openly encourages members to draft their own obituaries as part of responsible end-of-life planning, noting that doing so spares loved ones from reconstructing a life story during the most painful week of their lives (AARP, 2020). Hospice social workers and life-review therapists use the same exercise to help people find perspective and peace.

There is also a documented psychological benefit. Decades of research by social psychologist James Pennebaker show that writing reflectively about meaningful life experiences measurably improves emotional and even physical well-being (University of Texas at Austin). Writing your own obituary is a focused form of that life review — it asks you to decide what actually mattered. For many people, that clarity is the real reward, long before the document is ever needed.

Why Should You Write Your Own Obituary in Advance?

You should write your own obituary in advance because it guarantees accuracy, relieves your family of a difficult task, and gives you control over your final public statement. Each of those reasons solves a real problem that surfaces again and again in funeral homes and newsrooms.

How Does a Self-Written Obituary Help Your Family?

A self-written obituary helps your family by removing one major decision from a week already crowded with them. In the days after a death, relatives must coordinate with a funeral home, choose between burial and cremation, notify dozens of people, and often travel — all while grieving. Most have never written an obituary before and feel unqualified to summarize a whole life in 300 words. The National Funeral Directors Association reports that only about 21% of Americans have communicated any funeral preferences to their families, which means the overwhelming majority of relatives are left guessing (NFDA, 2023). Handing them a ready-made draft is a genuine gift. For a broader plan that complements the obituary, see our funeral planning checklist.

Does Writing Your Own Obituary Give You Control Over Your Story?

Yes — it lets you decide which parts of your life define you, rather than leaving that to memory or omission. Families writing under pressure often default to a formula: born, worked, married, survived by. A person writing their own obituary can foreground the things that mattered most — a craft, a cause, a sense of humor, a faith, a forty-year friendship. Obituary editors at major newspapers consistently note that the most memorable death notices are specific and personal, not generic (Poynter Institute, 2019). When you write it yourself, that specificity is built in.

Is It Cheaper to Plan the Obituary Yourself?

Often, yes, because length drives cost. Many newspapers still charge by the line or column inch, and a long, last-minute obituary written by an overwhelmed family can run into hundreds of dollars. Legacy.com, which partners with most U.S. newspapers, notes that paid notices vary widely in price depending on publication and length (Legacy.com). Drafting in advance lets you write a tight, deliberate version and decide ahead of time where it should run — a far cheaper approach than paying for an emotional first draft assembled the night before a deadline.

What Are the Essential Elements of an Obituary?

Every complete obituary contains seven core elements: the announcement of death, biographical summary, family members, life highlights, service information, memorial or donation requests, and a closing line. You can expand or trim each section, but these are the building blocks readers and funeral homes expect.

Notice how much of this overlaps with other planning documents. The service details connect directly to decisions covered in how to plan your own memorial service, and the broader timeline of when services happen is explained in how long after death funerals happen. Preparing the obituary alongside those decisions keeps your whole plan consistent.

How Do You Write Your Own Obituary Step by Step?

You write your own obituary in six steps: gather the facts, choose a tone, draft the opening, build the body, add logistics, and close with meaning. Working through them in order turns a daunting blank page into a series of small, answerable questions.

Step 1: What Facts Should You Gather First?

Start by collecting the verifiable facts, because these form the skeleton every obituary hangs on. Write down your full legal name and any nickname, date and place of birth, your parents' names, schools attended, military service, career milestones, marriage date, and the names of children, grandchildren, and siblings. Keeping this factual core in one place also makes it easy for your family to confirm details later. Many people store it inside a broader emergency document — our guide to what to include in your "if something happens to me" file shows exactly where this information fits.

Step 2: How Do You Choose the Right Tone?

Choose a tone that genuinely sounds like you — solemn, warm, witty, or some blend of all three. There is no rule that an obituary must be formal. Some of the most widely shared obituaries in recent years have been openly funny, written in the deceased's own voice, precisely because that voice was so recognizable. The Poynter Institute and newsroom obituary writers repeatedly emphasize that authenticity, not formality, is what makes a notice resonate (Poynter, 2019). Decide early whether you want a traditional, reverent register or something that makes readers smile through tears.

Step 3: How Do You Write the Opening Line?

Write an opening line that states who you were, your age, and the fact of your death in a single clear sentence. The classic template — "[Full name], [age], of [city], passed away on [date]" — works because it gives readers the essential information immediately. You can soften "died" with "passed away," "went home," or a phrase that reflects your beliefs, but clarity comes first. If you want, the very next sentence can hint at the life to come: "...a teacher, a sailor, and the best storyteller her grandchildren ever knew."

Step 4: How Do You Build the Body?

Build the body by moving from facts to meaning — first the chronology, then the character. After the birth and family details, devote two or three sentences to what actually animated your life: the work you were proud of, the people you loved, the hobby you never tired of, the values you tried to live by. This is the heart of the obituary and the part only you can write well. If you have already drafted a legacy letter or an ethical will, you will find much of this reflection is already done; the obituary is the public, condensed version of those private documents.

Step 5: What Logistics Should You Include?

Include the practical logistics last: service details, viewing or visitation times, and any memorial or donation preferences. Because you cannot know the exact dates in advance, leave clear placeholders — "[service date and location]" — so your family knows precisely what to fill in. State your wishes plainly: whether you prefer flowers or charitable gifts, and to which organization. This single instruction prevents one of the most common sources of family disagreement after a death.

Step 6: How Do You Close an Obituary?

Close with one sentence that captures something true about you — a value, a favorite saying, a wish for those left behind. A strong closing line is what readers remember and what the family often reads aloud at the service. It can be a short quotation, a line of scripture, a joke, or a simple statement of love. For inspiration on tone and phrasing, our collection of funeral quotes to help say a final goodbye offers more than a hundred examples organized by mood and relationship.

What Are Some Examples of a Self-Written Obituary?

The best way to understand obituary structure is to read complete examples in different tones. Here are three short models — traditional, warm, and lightly humorous — each built from the seven essential elements.

What Does a Traditional Obituary Look Like?

A traditional obituary is formal, factual, and reverent. For example:

"Robert James Allen, 81, of Asheville, North Carolina, passed away peacefully at home on [date], surrounded by his family. Born May 2, 1944, in Knoxville, Tennessee, to William and Margaret Allen, he served in the U.S. Navy before a 35-year career as a civil engineer. He is survived by his wife, Carol; his children, David and Susan; and three grandchildren. A funeral service will be held at [church, date, time]. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the American Heart Association. He believed a job worth doing was worth doing well, and he lived that belief every day."

What Does a Warm, Personal Obituary Look Like?

A warm obituary leads with character and emotion while still covering the facts. For example:

"Maria 'Mimi' Delgado, 76, left this world on [date], leaving behind a kitchen that will never smell quite the same. Born in Guadalajara in 1949, she crossed a border, raised four children, and fed an entire neighborhood for fifty years. She is survived by her children, eleven grandchildren, and anyone who ever sat at her table. A celebration of her life will be held [date and location]. Bring an appetite and a story. In her words: 'Nobody leaves my house hungry.'"

What Does a Humorous Obituary Look Like?

A humorous obituary uses the deceased's own wit, which can be deeply comforting to a grieving family. For example:

"Frank Whitmore, 84, finally lost his lifelong argument with his cardiologist on [date]. A man who never met a fishing trip he didn't like or a lawnmower he could keep running, Frank is survived by his patient wife of 60 years, Dorothy, two children, and a garage full of tools no one knows how to use. Services are [date and location]. In lieu of flowers, please go fishing and skip work — he'd have wanted it that way."

Humor like Frank's works because it is unmistakably his voice. That is exactly the kind of personality that is hard for a grieving relative to recreate — and easy for you to capture now. The same is true of the video and voice messages discussed in how to record a video message for your family: your own words, in your own voice, are irreplaceable.

What Mistakes Should You Avoid When Writing Your Own Obituary?

The most common obituary mistakes are including sensitive personal data, making it too long, forgetting key relatives, and never telling anyone the draft exists. Each is easy to prevent once you know to look for it.

The identity-theft risk deserves emphasis. The U.S. Federal Trade Commission warns that scammers actively use information published in obituaries — full dates of birth, addresses, and family names — to commit "ghosting" fraud against recently deceased people (FTC Consumer Alerts). For this reason, many funeral directors now advise leaving out the exact day and year of birth. We cover this and related protections in detail in our guide to canceling subscriptions and closing accounts after death.

Where Should You Store Your Obituary So Your Family Can Find It?

Store your obituary somewhere your family is certain to look and where it will not be lost — ideally in more than one place. A printed copy in your emergency binder or with your attorney is reliable, but paper can be misfiled or forgotten in a crisis. A digital copy solves the discoverability problem, especially if it is tied to a system designed to reach your loved ones automatically at the right moment.

This is where an obituary becomes part of a larger plan rather than an isolated file. On a service like LastWithYou, you can store your obituary draft alongside the personal video, letter, and voice messages meant for individual family members, and schedule them to be delivered when they are needed. That way the practical document and the emotional ones travel together. To understand how that delivery works, see what an afterlife message is.

How Does an Obituary Differ From a Eulogy?

An obituary is a short written notice published for the public, while a eulogy is a longer spoken tribute delivered at a service. The two are easy to confuse because both honor a life, but they serve different audiences and have different rules. An obituary is read by strangers and acquaintances scanning for facts and service times; a eulogy is heard by mourners who already loved the person and want to feel that love reflected back.

If you are preparing your own end-of-life documents, it helps to think about both. You can write your obituary yourself, but a eulogy is almost always delivered by someone else — which means the people you love may one day face that task for you, or for each other. Our companion guide, how to write a eulogy: a step-by-step guide with examples, walks through that process in full and pairs naturally with everything covered here.

Conclusion

Writing your own obituary is a small act with outsized benefits. It guarantees the facts are right, spares your family from assembling your life story during their hardest week, controls how you are remembered, and often costs less than a rushed last-minute notice. The process — gather facts, choose a tone, draft an opening, build the body, add logistics, and close with meaning — turns an intimidating task into six answerable questions. And the reflection it requires is, for many people, quietly clarifying: it asks you to name what your life was actually about.

An obituary, though, is only the public summary. The private words — what you would say to your spouse, your children, or the grandchildren you may never meet — belong in messages of their own. Prepared together, the obituary and those personal messages ensure that both the facts and the feelings reach the people who need them, exactly when they need them.