10 Writing Prompts for Your Afterlife Message

Why Do Most People Struggle to Write an Afterlife Message?

The biggest barrier to recording an afterlife message is not technology or time — it is the overwhelming feeling of not knowing what to say. Putting off meaningful conversations is perhaps the single greatest source of regret among bereaved families (Complete Care Strategies, 2020). Yet when people finally sit down to write or record, the blank page becomes paralysing. What do you include? What do you leave out? How do you say everything that matters in a single message?

The problem is not a lack of things to say — it is an excess. A lifetime of love, gratitude, wisdom, regret, humor, and hope cannot be compressed into a few paragraphs without structure. That is where writing prompts come in. They do not tell you what to say; they give you a starting point and let your own voice take over.

Research supports this approach. Dignity Therapy, a structured psychotherapy used in palliative care, guides terminally ill patients through a standardized set of questions to create a legacy document. Clinical trials show this process enhances a sense of purpose, meaning, and life closure (Montross-Thomas et al., 2015, BMC Palliative Care). The prompts below draw on similar principles — adapted for anyone, at any stage of life, who wants to leave a message that truly matters.

If you are new to the concept of afterlife messages, our guide on what an afterlife message is and how it works covers the basics.

How Should You Use These Writing Prompts?

Treat each prompt as a door, not a cage. You do not need to answer every prompt, and you do not need to answer them in order. Read through all ten, notice which ones create a pull in your chest, and start there. Some prompts will generate a paragraph; others might fill pages. Both are perfectly fine.

Should You Write or Record Your Message?

Either format works — and combining both is even better. A written message provides permanence and can be re-read in quiet moments. A video message adds the dimension of your voice, facial expressions, and presence that words on a page cannot replicate. A 2022 scoping review of ethical wills found that modern legacy messages increasingly span written, audio, and visual formats (Neller et al., 2022, Palliative & Supportive Care). Our guide on recording a video message for your family covers the practical side — lighting, framing, and emotional preparation.

One more suggestion before you start: do not aim for perfection. The best afterlife messages are not polished speeches. They are honest, sometimes messy, deeply human expressions of love. Your family does not want a performance. They want you.

Prompt 1: What Do I Want You to Know About How Much You Mattered?

This prompt invites you to express the specific, irreplaceable impact your recipient has had on your life. Palliative care pioneer Dr. Ira Byock identified four essential phrases for end-of-life communication: "Please forgive me," "I forgive you," "Thank you," and "I love you" (Byock, The Four Things That Matter Most). This first prompt channels the last two — gratitude and love — into concrete, personal detail.

How Do You Make This Prompt Personal?

Avoid generic statements like "You meant the world to me." Instead, ground your message in specific moments. Think about:

• A moment when this person changed how you saw yourself or the world
• A small, everyday thing they did that you never told them you noticed
• A time when their presence got you through something you could not have faced alone

Example starter: "I never told you this, but the night you stayed up with me when I couldn't sleep after Dad's surgery — that was the night I understood what it means to be truly loved. Not because you fixed anything, but because you stayed."

Prompt 2: What Lessons Has Life Taught Me That I Want to Pass On?

This prompt draws on the legacy letter tradition — the 3,500-year-old practice of transmitting wisdom across generations. The 2022 scoping review of ethical wills found that "life lessons" and "values" were among the most frequently included content categories, appearing across 84 unique descriptive terms used by writers (Neller et al., 2022).

What Kind of Wisdom Resonates Most?

The most powerful life lessons are not abstract platitudes — they are hard-won truths tied to specific experiences. Think about the mistakes that taught you the most, the decisions you are proudest of, and the principles that guided you when everything else was uncertain.

Example starter: "If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be this: never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion. I learned this the hard way when I almost quit graduate school during the worst semester of my life — and the next semester turned out to be the best."

Prompt 3: What Is My Favorite Memory of Us Together?

Shared memories are the emotional currency of relationships, and they are among the most comforting things a bereaved person can receive. Research on children's storybooks about death found that remembrance and sharing memories were the single most common coping strategy, appearing in 44.8% of books analyzed (Wiener et al., 2017, PMC). The same principle applies to adult grief — a specific, vivid memory grounds the bereaved in something real and warm, not abstract loss.

How Do You Choose the Right Memory?

The best memory is not necessarily the biggest event. Often, the most treasured recollections are small, ordinary moments that carried extraordinary meaning — a road trip, a Sunday morning routine, the way someone laughed at a private joke. Choose a memory that captures the essence of your relationship.

Example starter: "My favorite memory of us is completely ordinary, and that's why it matters so much. We were sitting on the back porch after dinner, not talking about anything important, and you said something that made me laugh so hard I spilled my drink. I can't even remember what you said — I just remember feeling completely, perfectly happy."

Prompt 4: What Am I Most Proud of About You?

Hearing that someone is proud of you is one of the most affirming messages a human being can receive — and it becomes an anchor of self-worth when that person is gone. Among adults who lost a parent during childhood, 79% reported missing the guidance of the deceased parent when they became parents themselves (Experience Camps, 2024). A message of pride fills that void in a way nothing else can.

How Do You Express Pride Without Sounding Generic?

Go beyond achievements. Certainly you can celebrate graduations, careers, and milestones — but also name the character traits, quiet strengths, and small acts of courage that impressed you most. What did you see in this person that they might not see in themselves?

Example starter: "I watched you stand up for that kid at school when nobody else would, and you were only nine years old. That moment told me everything about who you are. You didn't do it for attention. You did it because it was right. I have been proud of you every day since."

Prompt 5: What Do I Want to Say That I Have Never Said Out Loud?

This is often the most powerful prompt — and the most difficult. Every relationship carries things left unsaid: gratitude unexpressed, apologies unspoken, truths softened or avoided. Research on grief-related regret consistently finds that the deepest anguish comes not from what was said, but from what was never said (Kreicbergs et al., 2004, NEJM). This prompt gives you permission to finally say it.

What if the Unsaid Things Are Painful?

An afterlife message can include apologies, acknowledgments of failure, and expressions of regret — but tone matters enormously. Because the recipient cannot respond or ask clarifying questions, ensure your words leave them feeling understood and loved, not burdened or confused. Ira Byock's framework is invaluable here: "Please forgive me" and "I forgive you" provide structure for addressing difficult truths with grace.

Example starter: "There's something I should have told you a long time ago, and I don't want to leave this world without saying it. I'm sorry I wasn't there for your graduation. I told you it was a work conflict, but the truth is I was scared of how emotional I would get. I missed one of the most important days of your life because I was afraid to cry in public. I have regretted it every single day."

Prompt 6: What Traditions or Values Do I Hope You Will Carry Forward?

This prompt connects you to something larger than a single relationship — it links your family's past to its future. The ethical will tradition, dating back to biblical times, was originally built around this very purpose: elders passing moral and spiritual directives to the next generation (Legacy Letter Organization; EBSCO Research). In modern form, this prompt asks you to name the traditions, habits, and principles that defined your family — and to trust your heirs to carry them forward.

What Counts as a "Tradition"?

Traditions are not just holidays and recipes (though those absolutely count). They include how your family handled adversity, how you celebrated joy, how you treated strangers, how you made decisions, and what you prioritized when resources were scarce. These are the invisible structures that hold a family together across generations.

Example starter: "Every Sunday morning, your grandfather made pancakes. It wasn't about the pancakes — it was about the rule that nobody checks their phone, nobody talks about work, and everyone sits together until the last plate is clear. I hope you keep that rule, even if you make waffles instead."

Prompt 7: What Do I Want You to Do When You Miss Me?

Grief has no manual, and the people you leave behind will not know what to do with the weight of missing you — unless you tell them. This prompt addresses the practical and emotional reality of bereavement directly. A 2017 survey by the New York Life Foundation found that 57% of those who lost a parent during childhood said support from others waned within three months, even though healing took an average of six years (Experience Camps, 2024). A recorded instruction from you — the person they miss most — fills a gap that no one else can.

How Can You Give Permission to Grieve and Move Forward?

Many bereaved people feel guilty about laughing, enjoying life, or forming new relationships after a loss. Your message can explicitly give them permission. This is one of the most healing gifts an afterlife message can offer.

Example starter: "When you miss me, here's what I want you to do: go outside. Take a walk. Find something alive and growing — a tree, a bird, a kid on a swing set — and watch it for a while. I'll be in every beautiful thing you notice. And please, please, keep laughing. Your laughter was the best sound I ever heard. Don't stop making it on my account."

Prompt 8: What Message Do I Want to Leave for a Milestone I Will Miss?

Some of the most treasured afterlife messages are those timed for future events: a child's graduation, a wedding, the birth of a grandchild, a 30th birthday. These milestone messages tell the recipient that you were thinking of their future long before you left — and that your presence extends beyond your physical life.

Which Milestones Deserve a Separate Message?

Consider writing or recording a dedicated message for each major milestone you may not witness. Services like LastWithYou allow you to schedule these messages for delivery on specific dates or after specific events.

Key milestones to consider:

• High school and college graduation
• Wedding day (for a child, grandchild, or sibling)
• Birth of a first child
• A difficult life moment you anticipate (first breakup, a job loss, a crisis of faith)
• A round-number birthday (18, 21, 30, 40, 50)
• The anniversary of your death — a yearly check-in

Example starter (for a child's wedding): "Today you are getting married, and I wish more than anything I could be in that room. But here's what I want you to know: marriage is not about finding a perfect person. It's about loving a real person perfectly. Your mother and I didn't have a perfect marriage. We had a real one — full of laughter, fights, apologies, and more love than I ever thought I was capable of. Give your partner the same honesty you gave us, and you will be fine."

Prompt 9: What Made My Life Worth Living?

This prompt invites radical honesty about what gave your existence meaning — and it is one of the most comforting things a grieving person can read. Knowing that your loved one lived a fulfilled life transforms the narrative of loss from tragedy to gratitude. Research on end-of-life legacy creation found that reflecting on life meaning was a core attribute, enabling individuals to determine how they want to be remembered and what they want to leave behind (Legacy in End-of-Life Care, PMC, 2024).

How Do You Answer Without Sounding Self-Focused?

The answer to "what made my life worth living" almost always circles back to relationships, experiences, and purpose — not possessions or status. Be honest about what actually brought you joy, peace, and fulfillment. Your recipients will find themselves reflected in your answer, and that is the point.

Example starter: "If you want to know what made my life worth living, here it is: Tuesday nights. You probably don't remember them as anything special, but I do. Every Tuesday, you and your sister would sit at the kitchen table doing homework, and I'd be cooking dinner, and the house smelled like garlic, and someone was always arguing about something trivial, and it was the most peaceful I ever felt. That was it. That was everything."

Prompt 10: What Is My Final Request?

End your afterlife message with something actionable — a specific request that gives your recipient a way to honor you through living. Research from palliative care consistently shows that a sense of "unfinished business" exacerbates complicated grief, while clear closure — including explicit requests and permissions — supports healthier bereavement (Byock, The Four Things That Matter Most).

What Kinds of Requests Are Appropriate?

A final request can be serious or playful, grand or small. It might be about how you want to be remembered, a cause you want supported, a relationship you hope will be mended, or simply a promise you want kept. The best requests give the recipient something meaningful to do — an act that connects them to you through action, not just memory.

Example starter: "Here is my final request, and I mean it: take the trip. The one we always talked about but never booked. Go to Iceland. See the Northern Lights. Take a ridiculous number of photos. And when you see something that takes your breath away, just say my name. That's all I need."

How Do You Put It All Together?

You do not need to use all ten prompts in a single message. In fact, shorter, more focused messages are often more powerful than comprehensive ones. Here are three approaches depending on your time and energy:

Remember: the worst afterlife message is the one that never gets recorded. A single sentence recorded today — "I love you, I'm proud of you, and you are going to be okay" — is worth more than a perfect letter that exists only in your imagination.

For additional guidance on structuring your message, see our guides on writing a letter to your children and writing a letter to your spouse or partner.

Conclusion

You do not need to be a writer to leave a message that changes someone's life. You just need a starting point, a few honest sentences, and the courage to press record or put pen to paper. These ten prompts are not prescriptions — they are invitations. Each one opens a door to something your loved ones will treasure for the rest of their lives.

The fact that you are reading this article means you have already taken the hardest step: deciding that your words matter enough to preserve. Now take the next step. Choose one prompt. Set a timer for ten minutes. And begin.

Dr. Ira Byock distilled a lifetime of end-of-life care into four phrases that matter most: "Please forgive me," "I forgive you," "Thank you," and "I love you." Every prompt in this guide is a variation on those four truths. Say them your way. Say them now. And make sure they reach the people who need to hear them.