How to Leave a Message for Grandchildren You May Never Meet

Why Does It Matter to Leave a Message for Grandchildren You May Never Meet?

It matters because family stories are the invisible architecture of a child's identity — and those stories disappear faster than most people realize. A 2022 Ancestry survey of 2,113 U.S. adults found that 53% of Americans cannot name all four grandparents, and only 4% can name all eight great-grandparents (Ancestry, 2022). Within just two generations, the sound of your laughter, the cadence of your advice, and the details of how you met your spouse can vanish entirely.

But here is what makes this especially urgent for grandparents: time is not on your side. The average age of grandparents in the United States is 68 years, and roughly 70% of adults aged 65 and older are grandparents (Westrick-Payne, BGSU, 2024). If your adult children haven't started families yet — or if your grandchildren are still toddlers — there's a real chance they'll grow up without ever truly knowing who you were. The message you leave today could be the only way a grandchild born in 2040 hears your actual voice.

A message for future grandchildren is not about morbid planning. It's about the deeply human desire to be known by the people you love — even if the timeline doesn't cooperate.

What Does the Science Say About Grandchildren Who Know Their Family Stories?

Children who know their family history show measurably higher emotional well-being and stronger identity development. Psychologists Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush at Emory University developed the "Do You Know?" (DYK) scale and tested it with 66 adolescents aged 14 to 16. Their findings were striking: teens who could answer questions like "Do you know where your grandparents grew up?" and "Do you know how your parents met?" demonstrated higher self-esteem, fewer behavior problems, and a stronger sense of control over their lives (Emory University, 2010).

Bruce Feiler, writing in The New York Times, summarized Duke's conclusion this way: developing a strong family narrative may be the single most important thing you can do for your family. Duke himself elaborated that children who possess this sense of being part of a larger family — what he calls an "intergenerational self" — are significantly more resilient when facing challenges (Inspire Family History, 2020).

A message from a grandparent — whether video or written — directly feeds this intergenerational self. It tells a grandchild: you come from somewhere, you belong to something bigger, and someone who lived before you loved you before you even existed.

How Does Continuing Bonds Theory Support Leaving Messages?

Continuing bonds theory supports the idea that maintaining a connection with a deceased loved one is a healthy, adaptive part of grief — not a sign of pathology. Klass, Silverman, and Nickman introduced this framework in 1996, challenging the older "letting go" model of bereavement. Their research showed that bereaved individuals who preserved a relationship with the deceased through memories, rituals, and personal objects experienced comfort and improved coping (What's Your Grief, 2023).

A recorded video message from a grandparent functions as exactly this kind of continuing bond. It is not a ghost or an AI chatbot imitating your voice. It is you — genuine, specific, irreplaceable. A grandchild can revisit that message at age 10 and again at age 30, and the relationship with you evolves each time. If you're curious about why authentic messages matter more than AI-generated recreations, take a look at how AI deadbots compare to real afterlife messages.

What Should You Include in a Message to Future Grandchildren?

The best messages for future grandchildren combine five core elements: family history, personal wisdom, humor, expressions of love, and specific sensory details that make you unforgettable. Here's what to consider for each.

Why Is Family History the Foundation of Your Message?

Family history is the foundation because it gives your grandchild roots in a world that increasingly feels rootless. The same Ancestry survey found that 72% of Americans want stories about their grandparents from when they were young, and 62% want to know about family heritage and origins (SWNS/Ancestry, 2018). These are not abstract curiosities — they are the building blocks of identity.

Consider sharing things like: where you were born and what your neighborhood looked like, how your parents or grandparents made a living, what the world smelled and sounded like when you were a child, and the immigration or migration story that brought your family to where they are today. A grandchild who hears, "Your great-great-grandmother carried two suitcases across the Atlantic in 1923, and one of them held nothing but her mother's recipes," will carry that detail like a compass for the rest of their life.

What Kind of Life Wisdom Should You Share?

The most powerful life wisdom is specific and earned — not generic. Avoid vague platitudes like "follow your dreams." Instead, tell the story of a time you failed, what it felt like, and what you learned. Describe the hardest decision you ever made and why you made it. A 2023 YouGov survey found that 51% of Americans wish they could receive life advice from their grandparents (YouGov, 2023). The advice that resonates isn't polished — it's honest.

Some prompts that work well:

• The biggest mistake I made — and what it taught me — honest vulnerability is what makes your message credible.
• What I wish I'd known at 20 — this bridges the generational gap with surprising intimacy.
• The person outside our family who shaped me most — this shows your grandchild that mentors come from unexpected places.
• What I believe about money, love, and work — your values, stated plainly, become a reference point they can agree with or push against.

If you need more structured prompts, our afterlife message writing prompts guide can help you get started.

Why Does Humor Belong in a Legacy Message?

Humor belongs because it is the fastest way to make a grandchild feel like they know you. Research on bereavement consistently shows that genuine laughter is healthy during grief, and positive memories bring comfort to those mourning a loss (American Psychiatric Association, 2024). If your grandchild watches a video of you cracking a terrible joke or telling a story that makes them snort-laugh, they won't just remember you — they'll feel close to you.

Tell the funny story about the time you burned Thanksgiving dinner. Share your most embarrassing moment. Do your impression of their parent as a stubborn toddler. These moments of lightness are what make a message rewatchable — and rewatchability is what turns a recording into a relationship.

How Do You Express Love Without Sounding Generic?

You express love by being specific rather than sweeping. Instead of "I love you more than anything," try something like: "I love the way your dad scrunches his nose when he laughs — and if you do it too, know that it comes from a long line of nose-scrunchers, and I adored every single one of them."

Specificity is the language of real love. Name what you imagine for them. Say what you hope they feel. Acknowledge that you're speaking into the unknown — that you don't know their name, their face, or their struggles — but that your love for them is not hypothetical. It is as real and present as the breath you are drawing while you record these words.

Should You Record a Video Message or Write a Letter?

Both formats have real strengths, and the best approach often combines them. The right choice depends on what you want your grandchild to experience — your presence or your permanence.

Video captures something no letter can: the way you sound when you say someone's name, the way your eyes look when you talk about something you love. A grandchild watching a video of you at age 70 isn't just learning about you — they are in your presence. For detailed tips on creating a high-quality recording, see our guide on how to record a video message for your family.

That said, a handwritten letter has its own irreplaceable power. The physical feel of paper, the imperfections in your handwriting, the ink — these become artifacts. Many grief counselors recommend combining both: record a video for emotional presence and write a letter for the keepsake they can hold in their hands.

How Do You Keep a Message Relevant for a Grandchild Not Yet Born?

The key is to focus on timeless content and build in an update strategy. A message recorded in 2026 for a grandchild born in 2035 must avoid references that expire quickly and lean into truths that endure.

What Content Stays Relevant Across Decades?

Content that stays relevant focuses on who you are, not what is happening around you. Avoid dated references to current events, technology, or pop culture. Instead, anchor your message in universal human experiences: love, failure, resilience, family bonds, and the things that made your ordinary days extraordinary. The Emory University research confirms that what children value most is narrative — the story of ups and downs, of ordinary people navigating extraordinary circumstances (Duke & Fivush, Journal of Family Life, 2010).

Record the details that disappear first: what your kitchen smelled like on Sunday mornings, the song you hummed while driving, the phrase your mother always said when dinner was ready. These micro-details are what future grandchildren will treasure far more than your opinion on any given year's headlines.

How Often Should You Update Your Message?

Updating every two to three years is a strong practice, especially if your family circumstances change. Marriages, births, diagnoses, moves, retirements — each of these milestones is worth a new recording or an added letter. Think of your legacy message not as a single monument but as a living document that grows alongside your life.

A practical approach: record a core "origin story" message once — the big themes, your family history, your deepest values. Then add shorter updates every few years that reflect what's new. If a grandchild is eventually born, you can record a personalized message just for them. Platforms like LastWithYou make this easy by letting you store multiple messages and assign specific recipients over time. For a complete overview of how afterlife message delivery works, see our full guide.

How Can a Digital Time Capsule Preserve Your Message Safely?

A digital time capsule preserves your message by storing it on a secure platform designed for long-term delivery — not on a USB drive in a drawer or a social media account that might be deleted. The problem with informal storage is real: research shows that about 67% of Americans die without even a basic will, let alone a plan for their digital legacy (Estate and Trust Lawyer, 2025). If estate documents are neglected, personal messages stored on local devices are even more vulnerable.

Digital time capsule platforms solve three critical problems:

• Storage security — your messages are encrypted and backed up, not dependent on a single hard drive.
• Delivery automation — the message reaches the intended recipient after your death, without relying on a third party to remember.
• Recipient flexibility — you can add new grandchildren as recipients even years after creating the original message.

If you are weighing your options, our comparison of afterlife message services breaks down the major platforms, including pricing, security features, and delivery mechanisms.

What Happens If You Store Messages on Social Media Instead?

Social media accounts are unreliable for long-term legacy storage. Platforms change their terms of service, deactivate inactive accounts, and may delete content without notice. Facebook's memorialization policy, for instance, locks the account but doesn't guarantee indefinite preservation. If you want your message to reach a grandchild born decades from now, a purpose-built afterlife message service is far more dependable than any social media platform. For more on what happens to online accounts, see our article on what happens to social media accounts when you die.

What Do Grandparents Most Regret Not Saying?

The most common regret among bereaved families is not having enough meaningful conversations before death — not the absence of material gifts or financial provisions. A WebMD survey of 1,084 Americans found that 32% had grieved the death of a close family member in the preceding three years, and the most effective coping strategy, cited by 53% of those mourning a death, was spending more time with others and talking about the person they lost (WebMD, 2019).

Grandparents who never get the chance to meet their grandchildren often carry a particular kind of anticipatory grief — the awareness that a relationship they deeply want may never fully unfold. Research by Kruk (1995) found that grandparents who lose contact with grandchildren experience grief reactions containing all the major elements of bereavement, including chronic sadness and reduced quality of life (ResearchGate, 2007).

The antidote to this regret is action: record the message now. You do not need perfect lighting, a script, or a reason. The act of speaking to a grandchild who doesn't yet exist is itself an act of extraordinary love and courage.

How Do You Actually Get Started Today?

Getting started is simpler than most grandparents expect — and the biggest obstacle is usually overthinking it. Here is a step-by-step approach that works.

What Is the Simplest Way to Record Your First Message?

The simplest way is to sit in a quiet room with your phone, take a slow breath, and start talking as if your grandchild is sitting across from you. You don't need a studio. You don't need to memorize anything. Just answer one question at a time:

1. Who are you? (Your name, your age, where you are right now.)
2. What do you want them to know about your family? (One story — just one.)
3. What is one piece of advice you'd give them?
4. What do you love about the parent who will connect you to this grandchild?
5. What do you want to say to them, heart to heart?

That's it. Five questions. Ten to fifteen minutes of recording. You can always add more later, but the first message is the hardest and the most important. Don't wait until you feel ready — ready never comes.

How Do You Choose Where to Store and Deliver It?

Choose a platform designed specifically for afterlife message delivery rather than relying on email drafts, social media, or a family member's memory. Look for features like encrypted storage, automated delivery triggers, and the ability to update recipients over time.

LastWithYou, for example, offers a free plan that includes one video message, three recipients, and 500 MB of storage — enough to create and deliver your first message without spending anything. The paid plan at $29.99 (one-time, not a subscription) unlocks unlimited messages and recipients, which is especially valuable for grandparents who want to create separate messages for each grandchild as they are born.

Conclusion

A grandchild you may never meet is not a hypothetical person. They are a future human being who will one day wonder where they came from, what their family was like, and whether anyone who came before them thought about their existence. The research is clear: children who know their family stories are more resilient, more self-assured, and better equipped to navigate life's challenges. And the grandparents who leave those stories behind — in video, in writing, in whatever form they can — give a gift that no amount of money can replace.

You do not need to be eloquent. You do not need perfect technology. You need ten quiet minutes, an honest heart, and the willingness to speak into the future. Your grandchildren will thank you — even if they can only do it by watching your recording and whispering "thank you" to a screen, decades from now.